Part Five.

For a time I began to wonder what I really wanted. Today I have my answer.

Yesterday: I walked along the trail, between trees and nature. My heart sank further as I attempted a recovery of the situation. A picking up of the pieces, if you will.

Today: The nervousness sets in, and perhaps that's a good thing. It kind of feels that way.

Yesterday: I didn't feel the cold as I walked. I could not bear to glance at a couple holding hands. The thought, simply, crushed me.

Today: I was going to come visit you but decided against it. A part of me says I made the right choice. Another argues that it would have been a caring and welcome gesture. For once, I agree with the first voice.

Yesterday: I sat outside at a table. The pond was shallow and for some reason that surprised me. I guess I thought of things as always being full. I left not too long after. I couldn't take the lack of attention, and given the opportunity to do it over, I would have done things differently.

Today: I am cautiously optimistic about the future now that the words I needed to say have finally been said.

Yesterday: I had reached the end of my rope... again. Looking over the park at the grass coming back to life and the children on swings, the path weaving through it all, I wondered how many times I needed to visit this place before I no longer needed it. How many times I needed to feel sad before I could truly be happy. With my vision blurred I aborted the direction I was walking toward.

Today: My biggest concern is a lack of interaction with her. All things considered, I could have been much worse.

Yesterday: I sat at home, wondering which piece I would try to fit together next.

Today: I sit at home, wondering what video game or graphic novel I would engross myself in next.

Yesterday: The end was nigh.

Today: The end is nigh. But sometimes that's a good thing.